The Fugitive’s sweat-free adventures in the great Mediterranean outdoors

By Searchlight Team

’Tommy Robinson’ seems to have calmed down just a little. In his latest video missive, he has at least for a moment lost that eyes-popping-out look that is so reminiscent of Arnold Schwarzenneger in the Martian near-vacuum in Total Recall.

It’s all the clean living, apparently. There was a time, he tells us, that he would have reacted to the pressure that he’s under now (everybody has it in for him!) by ”going on a bender”. But he doesn’t do that these days, he says, which will come as a surprise to anyone who has read the sordid details of his recent lost weekend in Canada.

But anyway here he is, up in the clean air of the mountains. We don’t actually see any mountains, but ‘The Fugitive’ is somewhere a bit foresty. Presumably, but not explicitly, still in Greece. Maybe we should be less sceptical about the mountain thing. Granted the size of his ego, maybe he’s ascending to his rightful place on Olympus.

But there’s a limit to suspension of scepticism, and ours is pretty much there at his claim that he has started this video ”four or five hours” into a gruelling mountain trek. The odd thing being that there’s not the teensiest hint of sweat on his face.

Is it yet another of his cons, you may wonder. Or is he Ballyburberry’s answer to Prince Andrew?

The royal roué, you may recall, told Newsnight’s Emily Maitlis: ”I had suffered what I would describe as an overdose of adrenaline in the Falklands War when I was shot at and I simply… it was almost impossible for me to sweat.”

Non-perspiration due to being chronically frit shitless? It’s an interesting proposition. But if the prince was terrified about having to act as a decoy for Exocet missiles, what can have rendered the Irishman similarly sweat-free?

Surely not the thought that the net is closing in, and that pretty soon he’s going to be slopping out alongside the halfwits who got taken down during the rioting he inspired, while their hero shirked on a sun lounger in the eastern Mediterranean?

Don’t worry, Stevie. We’re sure your fellow cons will still hold you in the highest esteem. You may even get to share a cell with one who really likes you.