We see that Nigel Farage claims to spend two days a week in Clacton. With him being such a celebrity, that surely means that dozens of people, minimum, will have cameraphone footage of him strutting his stuff on the streets. We must just be looking in the wrong place for these video delights.

Because it would have to be appearances on the streets, wouldn’t it? He doesn’t live in Clacton, and there’s no Reform office in the town, so it’s not like he might be tucked away somewhere in town slaving away over a hot keyboard and smartphone.

”I’m there a couple of days every week and to do more is difficult, because I’ve got to be here in Westminster,” he told ITV News Anglia. Oh goody! That means there must be lots of further footage of Farage in the Commons. Doesn’t it? Umm… OK.

“What will help will be a house relocation, which is currently going through. So once I’ve got a property there it’ll make life a lot easier. It all takes longer than you want it to. You think it should happen next Thursday, but it takes a few weeks.”

Well, of course. Though no doubt it will proceed more quickly after Nomad Nigel has had a chance to exchange notes with the property portfolio experts at next weekend’s Kuala Lumpur conference for ’Nomad capitalists’. They should be able to give him some hot tips on what to buy with a view to selling at a profit after he ceases to be the Clacton MP.

“You know, if we’re going to make big breakthroughs next year, it’ll be in the East,” he has told the media, who believe him to be talking about Essex, Suffolk and Norfolk council elections next May. How long before the penny drops that where he’s trying to make a breakthrough is in money-making opportunities in the Far East?