Radical changes in the laws governing graveyards may be on the cards if recommendations published on 3 October by the Law Commission are adopted by Parliament. This may even open the door to new constructions over old cemeteries, though such speculation may be jumping the gun a little.

England and Wales are fast running out of urban and suburban burial spaces, while many existing cemeteries have been closed to new interments since Victorian times, having been declared ‘full’.

“The last burial in many of these will have happened well over a century ago,” says the report, “so they could be suitable for grave reuse. We provisionally propose that it should also be possible for the Secretary of State to reopen closed burial grounds.”

This may seem like an odd subject for Searchlight to be exercised about – but then, we’re not. We’re just sitting here waiting for sections of the far right to blow their fuses at the news. It is, after all, only a couple of months since the spitlerati were all in a lather about the re-use of one particular graveyard in Stoke on Trent.

“The entire area where the cemetery used to be, where our ancestors are still buried, has been turned into a car park for Mosque goers,” wailed Britain First co-leader Paul Golding regarding St John’s in Hanley, a dilapidated church that has been purchased by a Muslim group to serve as a mosque, and multi-faith community hub.

Britain First’s Paul Golding and Ashlea Simon stirring up hostility at St John’s church

Former BNP leader Nick Griffin also stuck his oar in. And the far-right agitation worked. In the febrile post-Southport atmosphere the church was attacked by a racist mob (below) and had to be protected by a substantial police cordon.

To listen to the nutty nazis, you’d think that rampaging jihadists were feverishly tarmacking over Christian remains like there was no tomorrow. In fact it was all bollocks. There were no remains to disturb, and hadn’t been any for almost 40 years. All of the bodies had been disinterred and relocated in 1985, as part of a shopping centre development.

We’re not aware of any ‘betraying our kith and kin’ agitation taking place at the time. Certainly not a riot. But hey, it’s mass exhumation for Allah that’s the outrage. Clearing corpses for Mammon appears not to be a problem.

Anyway, here we are with some genuine, not made up by Britain Last, proposals to mess around with places where it’s definitely the case that “our ancestors are still buried”. Grave-sharing, perhaps. Squeezing in ‘a small one’ between existing plots. Maybe even covering up with car parks, or shopping centres. Surely the hysterical heritagists will be up in arms. “Hey! That could be my great-great grandfather under there!”

It is of course too soon after the publication of the Law Commission’s report to expect them to have fashioned long, considered statements on the new outrage, but we thought readers would be interested to learn what the churchyard protectors’ first-take responses were…

Britain First’s co-leader Paul Golding: 😶 🌵 🐪 💤

Britain First’s co-leader Ashlea Simon: 🐪 💤 🌵 😶

Nurse, Is It Tea Time Yet’s Nick Griffin: 💤 😶 💊 🐪

Cynics might suspect that the far right only uses graveyard protection as a pretext for anti-Muslim rhetoric. Or that the outrage only comes into play when there’s a riot waiting to have its fuse lit. We could not possibly comment.